I’m Being Haunted by Impending Doom

Impending doom doesn’t scare me anymore, but I still don’t want to make it my friend.

Image by bruce lam from Pixabay

I’ve had feelings of impending doom in the past. The first time I felt them was while I was walking down the aisle at the church for my first marriage. Something just didn’t feel right. Holding Dad’s hand, I looked at the 150 people in the church and wondered how pissed off would they be if I turned around and walked away?

We divorced after thirteen years. It should have happened sooner, but apparently Catholics aren’t supposed to get divorced. So, I stuck it out until I couldn’t anymore.

My husband was an avid Harley Davidson motorcycle enthusiast. He tried to teach me how to ride. It was easier for me to ride bitch on the back of his Ultra Classic, drinking coffee and smoking cigarettes, listening to music on the bike’s stereo. I loved our spontaneous motorcycle trips. When friends showed up on their bikes, it meant the adventure was going to be fantastic.

In 2011, I started getting nervous when I rode on the back of the bike. Visions of cars pulling in front of us without giving my husband time to react was overbearing. Eventually, every possible way of having a motorcycle accident circled around in my head. When I looked at his bikes I couldn’t breathe. I started…